The Peppermint Lie: When Change Isn’t Really on the Table

We have all encountered it.

“I really want to quit smoking.”
“I know I need to change.”
“This time I mean it.”

And yet, nothing changes.

I call this the peppermint lie: the polite, socially acceptable statement of intent that masks a deeper truth “I am not ready“. Like covering the smell of smoke with peppermint, it gives the impression of change without the substance.

In coaching, mentoring, and counselling, this phenomenon is not just common, it is expected. And importantly, it is well explained by psychological theory and research.

Readiness to Change: The Missing Ingredient

The Transtheoretical Model of Change developed by Prochaska, Norcross and DiClemente reframes change not as a decision, but as a process.

It identifies stages:

  • Precontemplation (not ready)
  • Contemplation (thinking about change)
  • Preparation
  • Action
  • Maintenance

Crucially, people in the precontemplation stage are not intending to change and may even deny there is a problem . This is where the peppermint lie often lives.

From a clinical perspective, the implication is clear:

If someone is not ready, no amount of technique will create sustained change.

Research supports this. Interventions are most effective when they are matched to a person’s stage of readiness . Conversely, those who are not ready (precontemplators) tend to respond poorly to interventions, regardless of approach.

Even adoption studies show readiness predicts engagement: individuals in earlier stages were significantly less likely to adopt change behaviours than those preparing to act .

In other words, motivation is not a bonus—it is a prerequisite.

The Illusion of Commitment

The peppermint lie is not necessarily deception in a conscious sense. It often reflects:

  • Social desirability (“I should want to change”)
  • External pressure (family, workplace, health professionals)
  • Cognitive dissonance (knowing vs doing)

What is expressed verbally (“I want to quit”) is not aligned with internal readiness (“I am not willing to give this up yet”).

The Transtheoretical Model captures this gap through decisional balance—the weighing of pros and cons. In early stages, the perceived costs of change outweigh the benefits .

Until that balance shifts, commitment remains superficial.

Clarkson and the Working Alliance

Petruska Clarkson, in her Five Relationship Model, emphasises the working alliance—the explicit agreement between client and practitioner about goals and tasks.

This alliance depends on:

  • Shared understanding
  • Mutual commitment
  • Clear goals

But here lies the problem:

If the client is not genuinely committed, the “agreement” is only nominal.

The therapeutic contract becomes performative rather than real.

Clarkson’s broader framework of relational modalities highlights that therapy is co-created. Without authentic participation, there is no true collaboration—only compliance.

And compliance does not produce transformation.

Why Interventions Fail Without Commitment

Across therapeutic modalities, a consistent finding emerges: client factors matter more than technique.

Common factors research shows that elements such as client readiness, engagement, and the therapeutic relationship are among the strongest predictors of outcome .

From a psychodynamic perspective, writers such as Michael Jacobs emphasise the role of:

  • Unconscious resistance
  • Ambivalence toward change
  • Secondary gains (what the symptom provides)

A client may consciously state a goal while unconsciously defending against it.

In this light, the peppermint lie is not failure—it is defence.

Resistance Is Not the Enemy—But It Is the Reality

One of the most important shifts for practitioners is this:

  • Resistance is not something to “break through”
  • It is something to understand

Pushing a client who is not ready often leads to:

  • Withdrawal
  • Defensiveness
  • Dropout

Indeed, guidance based on the stages of change model explicitly warns that pushing too hard in early stages can make clients more resistant .

The intervention fails not because the method is wrong—but because the timing is wrong.

Working With the Peppermint Lie

If we accept that the peppermint lie is part of the change process, the task shifts.

Instead of asking:

  • “How do I get them to change?”

We ask:

  • “What stage are they in?”
  • “What function does the behaviour serve?”
  • “What would make change feel possible?”

Effective work at this stage includes:

  • Raising awareness (not forcing action)
  • Exploring ambivalence
  • Validating resistance
  • Building intrinsic motivation

This aligns precisely with Prochaska’s principle: meet the client where they are.

Conclusion: No Commitment, No Change

Across coaching, mentoring, and counselling, one truth persists:

Change does not happen because it is discussed.
It happens because it is chosen.

The peppermint lie reminds us that words are not commitment.

Without readiness:

  • The working alliance is hollow
  • Interventions are mistimed
  • Outcomes are limited

With readiness:

  • Even simple interventions can be powerful

The role of the practitioner, then, is not to force change—but to recognise when it is truly on the table.

And when it is not, to sit patiently with the truth beneath the peppermint.